My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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