so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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