Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
