Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
