why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
