Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
