we're blogging at a bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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