they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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