she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
