They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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