GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
