That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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