And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
