im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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