I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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