3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
