I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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