I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
