She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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