just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
