I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
