Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
