you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
