some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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