So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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