We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
