youre lurking in front of me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
