Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
