I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
