I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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