so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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