He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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