i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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