I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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