He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
