I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
