Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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