Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize