So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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