Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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