I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
