so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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