Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
