I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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