My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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