Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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