Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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