Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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