Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
