i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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