I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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