But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
