he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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