I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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