peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
