your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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