I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
