are you so shy because you have an std?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
