i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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