i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
