worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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