But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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