This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
