You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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