Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
