Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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