Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
