I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
