Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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