YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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