evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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